DEAR ABBY: In a few days, the second anniversary of my husband’s death will be here. We were together for 40 years. They weren’t easy years; he had many issues, both physical and mental. I was isolated because I didn’t want others to know the extent of what I lived with every day. I cared deeply for him, and as his wife, it was for better or worse.
It has been hard, but I felt I was coping pretty well. I’m 63, and I thought my life was over. Now, I don’t know what my body is doing, but I am experiencing intense feelings that I thought were long dead. Taking care of my husband for so many years, I let myself (my weight and appearance) go. But now I’m eating healthy, I have lost a few pounds and I am trying to work on my appearance. I don’t understand why my body at this age has decided to come back to life.
I live in a rural area, and I have no idea how to go about meeting any older men. I spent a lot of lonely years I thought had killed all hope and love, but suddenly I realize that isn’t true. I am so mixed up. I tell myself I’m being silly, but my body won’t listen. I hope you don’t think I’m nuts because this is a real problem. Thank you for any advice. — REAWAKENED IN OKLAHOMA
DEAR REAWAKENED: You have been through a difficult time. Being a full-time caregiver is wearing as well as stressful. After those years caring for your sick husband, it isn’t surprising you forgot to take care of yourself. Well, that burden is now lifted, and you have a lot of life ahead of you.
The good news is that for someone who takes care of herself — who exercises regularly and eats healthfully — your life is filled with possibilities and far from over. This is what your body is trying to tell you. Start exploring activities that enable you to meet people and make new friends. If you do, you may very well meet someone and couple up again.
DEAR ABBY: I owe nearly $200,000 in student loans for my graduate school education. I’m a middle-aged female who has health issues. My income is marginal, as is my career. I had hoped years ago to be earning a six-figure income, own a home, have a family and enjoy some stability by this point. Obviously, that hasn’t panned out, nor do I consider my situation likely to change.
I am single, educated and still poor. I slave more than 40 hours a week for no benefits, no long-term stability, no home and only marginal survival. How should I explain all this if I did start to date someone? When should I mention my indebtedness to any prospect before watching him flee to the nearest exit? — MONEY WOES IN THE EAST
DEAR MONEY WOES: If you should be lucky enough to meet someone you think is special, the first words out of your mouth should NOT have anything to do with your bank balance. Get to know the person. Let him get to know you before divulging anything about your financial situation. At this point, many people of both sexes are worried about their financial futures. You are far from alone having these concerns.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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